Learning the Art of Communicating with Tact

Equally Made; Functionally Different

By God’s grace, we are all created in his image, but also differently (cf. 1:27). We need to realize that our differences are a good quality of the human race. The Apostle Paul, for example, acknowledged and celebrated the variety of gifts present in his letter to the church in Corinth (1 Cor 12:4-7). One of his arguments was that these differences should not divide the church, but rather ought to be used to build up the bride of Christ.

The problem–and I think it is the problem Paul is addressing in his first letter to the church in Corinth–is that many times it is our differences that cause division (cf. 1 Cor 1:10-11). Think about a marriage. Many people say that what attracted them to their spouse was the differences of the other person. In other words, they brought something to the table that the other spouse didn’t have, and when they joined in holy matrimony, both people benefited from the communion. However, those same differences can become a point of contention later on in the marriage.

The point remains: while we are all created equal, we are all different and this is a good thing for us and for our society. One of the distinguishing marks of a great leader is their ability to interact with their subordinates in ways that highlight and celebrate the way God made them. One such area is in how we communicate with people made in God’s image based on their design. I call this “the art of communicating with tact.”

Different People Communicate Differently

Great leaders realize that their team is comprised of different people who communicate differently. Some people prefer direct forms of communication while others need a gentler approach. For example, we have one child who prefers clear, concise, and direct forms of speech, and this same young lady enjoys providing the same directness in her conversations with others. What can I say? That apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. However, we have another child who flees from confrontational discussions and would rather sweep everything under the rug. This same child needs to be spoken to with complete compassion and sensitivity, which includes and is not limited to the compliment sandwich–positive, correction, positive. Needless to say, that apple didn’t fall too far from the other side of the same proverbial tree.

Great Leaders; Great Communicators

Great leaders should be observant and aware of how to speak to people, and this requires the art of communicating with tact. Here are three questions you ought to ask when communicating with different people made in God’s image.

1. Is it the right time? I call this the “when to say it” question. This is all about timing with those under your charge. Depending on the person, the environment, and the situation, will determine the right time to speak with this person.

2. What do I need to say? This question helps you to prepare for what you need to communicate to the other person. Do they need the compliment sandwich? Are they the kind of person that just wants the information clearly and concisely? Can you use direct words, or do you need to use “softer” language, so they are able to pick up your message without feeling personally attacked? Preparation is key when communicating with tact.

3. How should I say it? My wife loves to remind me that my words are only a percentage of my ability to communicate with others. People are also reading my tone and my body language. In fact, I’m more like Wreck-It-Ralph. My passion bubble is very close to the surface. This means people can take my passion as hostility, anger, or even hatred towards them, which is never my intent. This question is designed to help you and I think about how we come to the conversation in a way that will be received well by the other person.

Respectful Communication for Subordinates

Some of you reading this blog might wonder about communicating up the chain-of-command. For some of you, you might need to communicate truths and ideas to your superiors. You need to ask yourselves the same questions, but you need to add one more for good measure.

4. Am I being respectful? Healthy work cultures allow for communication to flow up and down the organization’s structure. Any person higher up in an organization who shields themselves from the thoughts and issues of others is really not a great leader. Yet, communicating up the chain-of-command requires tact and respect from those in a subordinate role. You need to respect the position even if you don’t respect the person. Therefore, subordinate leader communication requires a high level of humility, submissiveness, and appropriateness–i.e., respect.

Be A Great Leader

Adding these questions to your leadership toolbox will greatly increase your ability to communicate with those you lead by taking into consideration their equality (made in God’s image) and their God ordained differences. Use these questions as a means to grow into the leader God has called you to be.

This is Jeremy Bell signing off by saying, “Semper Fidelis, continue to fight, and lead on.”

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