When Words Fail: How to Minister Christ’s Presence in Grief & Suffering

Early in ministry, I was called to pastor through two serious and unfortunate situations. One involved the passing of an infant, and the other the sudden death of a husband and father from a car crash. I remember the heaviness of both experiences even after all these years. I still feel the knot in my stomach as I walked into those hospital rooms.

What do you do in those moments? What do you say to hurting families like these? What answers could I provide?

Wise Advice from a Seasoned Pastor

I was met by an older pastor who ministered in the same community. I cannot begin to express how grateful I was to see him when I walked into that hospital. Before the medical staff directed me back to the families, I asked the pastor, “What am I to do with or say to these families?” I will never forget his words of wisdom. He told me to, “Minister the presence.”

Some of you may wonder, “What does it mean to minister the presence?”

An Answer from Job’s Life

After Satan, with God’s permission, takes Job’s wealth, children, and his health, Job’s friends arrive on the scene (we will save the interaction between God and Satan for another day). The Bible describes Job’s suffering when it reads, “And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him” (Job 2:12a). His physical and emotional pain was so intense that his own friends struggled to recognize the man before them as their dear friend, Job.

The Bible records their initial response and reaction: “And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was great” (Job 2:12b–13). Notice how for one week Job’s friends sat with him in silence. They resisted the impulse to do or say anything.

Why is this sometimes the best course of action when being around people who are experiencing severe grief and suffering?

2 Reasons Ministering the Presence Is Powerful

From the outset, I offer my answer through a Christ-centered lens. This means I am looking through Jesus’ empty tomb as I analyze Job’s situation and the response of his friends.

I think there are two reasons ministering the presence in moments of extreme suffering can be powerful.

First, Christian friends and pastors minister the presence of the gospel because they are ambassadors of Christ (2 Cor. 5:20). Believers are filled with the Holy Spirit. This means that their visible presence reminds those in suffering that Christ is their only means of salvation and he is with them even through this trial (Matt. 28:20; Phil. 4:7). In other words, those in Job’s position remember the presence of Christ as we stand or sit beside them in their pain just like Job’s friends did with him.

Second, some situations do not require words. Suffering and pain might need to be met with silence and a presence that signifies: “I am here, and I love you like a brother and sister in Christ.” Job’s friends did not need to say anything for a week because Job saw they were sitting with him in his pain. They wept. They tore their robes. They raised their voices. They sprinkled dust on their heads as an action that conveys to Job, we are hurting with you in this moment.

In some of the heaviest situations, I find that sitting with them, holding their hand, bowing my head in prayer, hugging them, and being by their side spoke more than my words ever could. That does not mean that I never spoke, but rather that I spoke when the time was right.

Conclusion

As an ambassador of Christ, you might not know when you are going to be called to minister the presence. Some situations require silence and your presence to remind those in extreme grief and suffering that God is with them as they see you beside them.

Here is a prayer I lift to the Lord as I walk into moments of suffering and pain: Father, I pray your Holy Spirit leads me to know when to speak and when to remain silent. Help me to know when to minister the presence or proclaim the hope of the gospel.

This post goes along with a book I am writing about the way of Christ in life and death. At the time of this article, I am still seeking a publishing contract. If you are an acquisitions editor or know someone who is, I would be glad to send you my proposal and first two chapters for your consideration.

Contact Jeremy Kyle Bell by clicking here

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